I do exist...
Has anyone else had a spouse that didn't ask them to breakfast, lunch, dinner, event, etc...because "you wouldn't want to anyway". And the kicker is my husband finds companionship with others, which is hurtful, worrying, etc. I've called and asked where he is because it's dinner time and oh, I was working so went out with "her" and "him" since they were working with me and hungry too. After I had made dinner of course. As you all know, the times I have said no to an invitation were because of migraine (or that a noisy diner can give me one, same as spicy Chinese, or Italian). At our anniversary dinner I actually started shaking because it was so tight, loud, and chaotic. I spent the dinner in the car, husband having fun with our family and his mom. That said, my requests for a quiet walk, picnic, watch the sunset, etc. are rejected. We CAN work around migraine, it's just not as flashy, loud and OH I forgot to mention, I don't drink. My husband is a fish, so are his boss (female) and the rest of the crew. Maybe I'm having a pity party, but I'm starting to feel the excuses and dismissals for not being asked to join a threesome going out to dinner because "you will have a migraine so I don't even ask"...a bit old. Ask me first, I'll let you know if I have one or not, and at least I'm thought of at the time, it's just considerate. Have tried counseling, he just yelled so loud the counselor shut up. Whoever is loudest wins, and I'm definately not it! Kids all want me to just put on a happy face, defend their father and feel sorry for him because "I'm no fun", hey family...treating a person like this makes me feel like why be here, i'm a appendage and "no fun" for any of you so why should I be around (unless they need something, then they don't ask if I have a migraine LOL), seriously, it makes me feel suicidal (don't worry, I'd divorce and everything first, I'm not giving up my life!), but it just hurts, deeply. Just when I think maybe they understand, nope. It was a facade because other people were around. Give me your thoughts. Thanks, Lisa
My heart feels for you,
. It's reasonable to desire being invited and included to family events and gathering. Without hearing evidence that others are thinking of us and considering our feelings, it can be hard to know that it's happening at all.
I also think it's fantastic that you've found respectful ways to communicate what you CAN do. Migraines can take so much away from us...but you've been able to communicate what is still possible and on the table, such as a gentle walk. Unfortunately, it is up to others in your life to take you up on this offer.
Do you still take gentle walks or enjoy sunsets, even if your family and friends may not join you? I wonder if that could be an opportunity to treat yourself to what you need. Is it the same as having someone you love with you? Not quite. But is it an opportunity to honor what you want and need? Absolutely!
Wishing you well, and thank you for sharing. - Cody (Team Member)Thank you so much. Your kind words are like a balm to my soul. Yes, I still do alot of the "quiet" things I like to do - usually alone, but at least I have "my time". Thanks again
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Hi Lisa. Good to see you here again but also so sorry you are struggling still. The dynamics in your family sound incredibly painful. How wild that he yelled through therapy, but the therapist didn't take control of the situation ... I hear how rejected you are and I really wish you had somebody in your corner.
We are here for you. I know you know that. All I can say today is that it sounds like you are doing everything you can. You can't force anyone to treat you a certain way, just continue to express what you want and need and set boundaries to try to keep yourself healthy ... it's on them to respond and meet you in the middle. The big question is, what do we do when they don't respond? I don't have an answer to that. Are you in individual therapy? Sorry if I asked already. You deserve to have a safe place for yourself even if couples' counseling didn't work out.
Hugs. -Melissa, team member
Thanks
, I'm not in therapy anymore, was "restructured" out of my job and lost benefits. This forum, and reading (when I don't have a migraine!) have helped. Some days can be a struggle though. I will continue to pursue free counciling in my area. ;o) -Lisa
